Begin a new life usually on Mondays and only once a year – on New Year’s Eve. On a festive night we hope for the fulfillment of desires, and it is desirable that they be performed like Emelya, lying on the stove. We promise ourselves to start a new life: stop drinking, smoking and eating sweet. And finally go to the gym. After that, feeding itself begins with “breakfasts” – shelving a planned one, accompanied by reproaches of close people: “You promised.” How to make dreams come true, the correspondent of SHE explained.
Ritual Bifurcation of Personality
Every year, we begin with the guessing of the desire to fight the chimes. And every time we promise ourselves to stop drinking, smoking and eating food, to taste. And we promise not to quit immediately, but “as soon as”: as soon as the Olivier basin is over, guests will leave and the holidays will end. “To guess is a ritual. When something ends, we always tune into something new. This ritual is laid in the blood: not only in the New Year, but every week, when we believe that on Monday we will start all the different. The New Year gives this opportunity more, because it contains the mystery of making wishes. People are trying to quit, leave in the past to clear their consciousness or life for new achievements, “explains psychologist, director of the Harmony center Nikita Lozin.
It’s easy to make promises in a good mood, especially a lot of energy for this appears on holidays. On the energy boom, it seems that it will be possible to fulfill its promise. But in reality we are great in our intentions, but not in their implementation. “When most people are going to eradicate the shortcomings, change themselves, they are usually going to change them in the external plan – to affect the body, and not to consciousness.
It is much more difficult to influence consciousness, and first you need to understand what you need to drink or smoke, says Gestalt psychotherapist of the Center of Psychology of the NSU Rimma Efimkin. – People want quick results, but consciousness changes slowly. Therefore, as a rule, they can not keep their promises. “
Director of the Center for Psychological Assistance “Amalthea” Yevgeny Aleksandrov is convinced that only a single person is ready to fulfill promises: “In a situation of promise, two people are obtained: one promises to another. And the one who promises – is he ready to do it? A man does when he is whole. I want to eat a person entirely, and not some part of it – he goes and eats, he wants to sleep – he goes and sleeps. And in other cases this is one of the ways to settle an internal conflict for a while. ”
To carry out the plan, you can resort to various tricks – for example, to write down your plans or to take other people as witnesses to your promise. If you do not count on your will, a girlfriend or friend can act as a provocateur and give an energy “magic pendel”. “It works, when a person is pre-arranged that someone will be reminded of a promise, and is ready to treat it calmly. There is another situation: experiencing malevolence, reminding a person how small he is in implementing his great intentions, is cruel and ineffective, “warns Rimma Efimkin.
Nikita Lozin adds that public promises to do something have long been characteristic of Russian culture and are called ritual boasting. In particular, warriors loved it at princely feasts: they were caught at word, and they were forced to go to perform exploits.
“Now they postpone their promises, because laziness and because it is difficult to think. After all, before you do something new, you need to think. We are accustomed to thinking – this is also a thought, but by patterns and patterns. And we start thinking only when it hurts, “Nikita Lozin sighs.
Answering the question how to deal with their own laziness and disorganization, the psychologist Rimma Efimkina banned the use of the word “struggle” and recommended not to fight with her, but to agree: “We should not seek external changes, but internal ones. If we strive to experience joy and happiness and get into this state, then everything else at the level of the body will be adjusted. The joy of life will become the motive to stop drinking, to smoke – because these side effects will no longer be needed to be content and happy. “
If you want to strike up a bad habit, you’ll be throwing the whole year, literally following the testament of Mark Twain: “There’s nothing easier than quitting smoking. I’ve done it a thousand times. ” The goal should be final and, of course, positive, to bring satisfaction. Many people formulate: “I will try …”. And the same thing happens – a person constantly tries, tries, tries. “If you want to fulfill the desire, it must be positive. Without all these negative shades: quit, finish, do not fail. You have to see what you really want, as a rule, this is not a desire to quit smoking, but what will follow, “Nikita Lozin shares her observations.
Yevgeny Alexandrov, director of the center of Amalthea, more categorically advises not to promise, but to do: “We must not promise, but decide: I will do it. And that nothing stirred inside. Then I’ll do it. All the rest is self-deception, from which only guilt appears. Wanting and doing – different things. It is necessary to decide. I decided and went. ” The correspondent of SHE, having decided to inspire the readers with a personal example, quit smoking and promised to tie it with the sweet from the New Year.