1. In the posture of an ostrich
Stinging stories of the wives of famous men who knew about her husband’s infidelity, but pretended that nothing was happening, are very fond of telling in programs for housewives. They are pitied, their patience and “wisdom” are admired. Typically, this behavior is typical of women who are in a dependent position from a man, says the psychotherapist of the center “Sibneymore” Igor Pozhidaev. According to him, the perception of female silence as wisdom is connected, first, with the convenience of such a position for men, and secondly, with the preserved cultural heritage in the form of attitudes that a man can do what he wants, and a woman – that the man wants.
Ostrich posture is unlikely to help you to save nerves – seeing a tacit agreement, the man will continue his campaigns on the side.
“Any betrayal is, first of all, a signal: the pair is not all right. Therefore, ignoring treason is like ignoring the disease, “maybe it will resolve,
” warns Natalia Gulina, a psychotherapist at the Insight clinic. – Acuity decreases over time, but the problem becomes chronic. In this case, we can expect a repeated recurrence of changes. ” Sooner or later ignoring the problem will lead to a break. The exception is couples who are satisfied with free relationships, in this case, the option of coexistence is likely.
2. Forgive and forget
Many will have acquaintances, girlfriends, relatives who could get over the grievance, endure the pain and forgive. However, to forget is far from the most important for further relations. Before saying goodbye to unpleasant memories, it is necessary to understand the cause of the problem. “Treason is always just the tip of the iceberg, a visible manifestation of a ripening conflict, discontent,” explains Natalya Gulina. – Therefore, the answer to the question “can relations be harmonious after betrayal” can not a priori be unambiguous. If they could cross the reaction of resentment, through guilt, sit down, discuss the situation, discover the root of the problem and resolve it – then the relationship not only does not collapse, but also becomes more mature. ” If you prefer to get sick alone and just delete this episode from your life,
If the woman has quietly sat, has plunged itself with itself, she actually has not forgiven, and has concealed a insult. And the long-awaited moment comes, for which she held her. ” Although joint discussions are not always a guarantee of a long and happy life. “There are often situations of child-parent relations, when the wife plays the role of mother, and the husband – the role of a son, who periodically wants to leave his mother,” continues Igor Pozhidaev. But even if a woman realizes her role, realized that she does not need it, and tries to change her behavior, it is impossible, because the man still requires a maternal relationship. In this case, you have to make a decision about parting.
3. Wedge wedge
“In vengeance and love, a woman is more barbarian than a man,” wrote the German philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche. Particular cunning can manifest itself when the desire to take revenge is imposed on love feelings and deceived expectations. According to experts, this reaction is by no means a rarity, and, nevertheless, it will not bring the expected results, unless short-term joy. “If the goal is simply to take revenge, to do muck, this is hardly the most ideal option,” says Igor Pozhidaev. “A woman will probably have a feeling of incorrectness of her actions.”
“Backlash is not an adult, mature, but rather a teenage reaction:” Oh, you are, then I am like this! “. And it does not bring relief, but, on the contrary, complicates the situation,
– Natalia Gulina warns. The fact that women often prefer this kind of behavior, says only that they choose the path of least resistance.
4. This is a scandal
Hysteria – not a favorite female entertainment. More often than not, the emotions that have been splashed out and the lamentations about aimlessly lived years have rather serious reasons. But even if you have reasons to take offense and throw insults, this is clearly not a tool for building relationships, but only a way to reduce internal tension. With the help of the scandal, according to experts, you can only pour oil into the already blazing fire. “If a man is close to making a decision about parting, but he does not have the courage, he always uses the scandal as the last drop,” explains Natalia Gulina. “Therefore, decide for yourself what is more important for you: to be discharged now or, nevertheless, to give a chance to your pair to build relations in the future?”
5. As in the sea ships
And yet, for the vast majority of women, the only possible reaction to betrayal is parting. “Unfortunately, this is very common.
According to statistics, up to 80% of applications for divorce are filed by women, the main reasoning is “did not get along”, and according to experts, most of these vague definitions are treason,
– complains Natalia Gulina. According to her, this, again, is an indicator of the immaturity of the individual. Instead of trying to understand and solve the problems that led to the betrayal, most choose to destroy everything and start again at a different place. Sometimes this is really necessary and there is no other way out, but it happens that this situation is repeated with a new partner. “There is no cloudless relationship – it’s an illusion,” Natalia continues. “And if there is no skill not to drive problems inward, do not ignore them, then the same story will most likely be repeated in the following respects.” If a woman understands what and why it happens to her, if she does not look for a man for fear of loneliness or trying to dull the pain and does not see her former in everyone, she has all the chances to build perspective relationships.
I want to believe that in your life there will be no reason to hide your head in the sand and not to notice treason or to overcome pain and humiliation in order to build everything from scratch. Nevertheless, remembering the British scientists, and their research about the relationship of IQ and the propensity for betrayal, choose smart men. Suddenly the truth?