Sex for a tick
As a rule, entering into sexual life, boys and girls are guided by different desires: boys listen to their peers and expect from sex of pleasure, and girls are torn between the terrible warnings of my mother and the stories of girlfriends, waiting for pain and problems on my head. But despite the fear, curiosity, the desire to keep the beloved boy or not to lag behind the more experienced friends push girls into hot men’s embraces. “Quite often, especially in modern times, the first sexual experience among girls is only evidence that a person wants to be an adult and does not want to be a black sheep among adolescents who have allegedly tried,” says Igor Poperechny, director of the Center for Medical Sexology and Psychotherapy. The desire to try at any cost leads to a certain illegibility – in the end, sex does not happen with the fact, not there and not as we would like. Such a model of behavior can remain for a long time and lead to problems in intimacy:
“The woman continues to just as thoughtlessly enter into intimacy, automatically marrying and giving birth to children, but without receiving anything emotionally. A kind of emotional dullness develops – it’s all too simple. ”
Even if your neighbor on the fingers explained “how to do it”, early sexual life is unlikely to help to find joy and harmony in sex. According to sexologists, the lower age limit of sexual intercourse is 16 years (14 years is allowed, but with a reservation for a certain psychological disorder).
According to foreign studies, the onset of sexual activity at an early age is associated with several factors. Firstly, this is a negative assessment of their sexual attractiveness – girls who are positive about their body, generally begin to have sex after their peers. At the same time, they are guided by an informed decision and part with their beloved virginity, and not with a classmate “on a drunken bench.” Secondly, in the families of these girls there are big problems – from the strictness of education (especially from the father) and ending with a lack of love and care. “The earlier a girl enters a sexual life, the more vivid evidence that there is a disorder in her parents’ family,” says Igor Poperechny. Not finding love and attention within the family, she goes in search. Having found the desired object,
However, not only hustlers who are in a hurry to prove their adulthood with the help of the bed suffer. On those who fanatically treat their virginity and refuse corporal pleasures, waiting for the prince, sexologists also look with suspicion, believing that there are problems in the psyche. By modern standards, the upper limit of the rate of sexual intercourse for a woman is 23 years (in Soviet times it was 25 years). Sexologist Igor Poperechny marks a fairly large number of girls aged 23 to 26 years (sometimes older) who have not entered into sexual activity:
As for men, they are also quite strict: 21 years old – the upper sexual boundary, had sex later – so there is a psychological problem. According to Igor Poperechny, if a man informs you that he keeps virginity, because he was properly raised, this is evidence of a pronounced anxiety, fear of a woman and a weak sexual constitution. Do not wait for hot nights with such a man, even after the wedding.
How is it?
The first time matters not only the question “when?”, But also “how?”. If the first sexual experience of a woman happened under duress, against her will, this is extremely negative for later life, and not only intimate. “The sediment from this remains forever. Even when a woman marries, she does not trust a man, she is afraid of him, “says Igor Poperechny.
According to psychologist Anastasia Radaeva, the first time is a certain pattern that from time to time will make itself felt: “If a woman’s first sexual experience was associated with negative moments that strained or frightened, then anxiety will persist for a long time, and a woman will periodically return to the template the first time. ” Needless to say, to achieve orgasm, which is so chasing modern women, in a state of anxiety is quite difficult.
A favorable outcome can be said if a man, having experience behind his shoulders, tactfully approaches this issue, creating a certain atmosphere – with flowers and white sheets, like in films about love. You can do without entourage, confining your own authority. “If a man was an authority for a girl, sexual intimacy (even despite the painful course) has a very bright emotional tone and remains in the woman’s memory forever, so the memories of intimacy are not negative,” explains the sexologist. If you had it that way, consider that you were lucky – these women most often develop a favorable sex life, and the closeness itself gives pleasure.
Complex of Judith
However, being the first and remaining the only one is not such a huge happiness. “In this situation, a woman after some time, there is an aggression to the first sexual partner, who is hiding behind claims, rudeness, excessive demand,
” says Igor Poperechny. Such a contradiction of feelings towards a man, when aggression supersedes sympathy and a woman subconsciously yearns to take revenge on a partner, is called the Yudifi complex.
A man’s fear that a woman who has become a virgin to her husband, out of curiosity, will want to gain experience on the side, is just, but only in part. According to the psychologist Anastasia Radaeva, this depends on the woman’s sexual constitution and the degree of satisfaction with her husband: “The desire to try something new arises from inner dissatisfaction, not necessarily in bed.” For example, a woman may not realize that she lacks care and attention, and has a lover who partially compensates for her needs.
However, you should not sigh heavily and blame the first sexual partner for all your problems. We do not have the opportunity to change the past, but there are forces to influence the present and the future.